Caleb’s House Rules

I blogged a preliminary version of Caleb’s infamous house rules a long time ago. The list has grown!

There are lots of missing rules because I’m not sure even Caleb can come up with 213+ of these things. And while the numbers are allegedly arbitrary within the household, I kept track because – as you can imagine – Wynter kept track.

So, here they are – all the rules mentioned in the books with numbers if they have them.

Rule number zero – the one rule to rule them all – is:

House rules are immutable

That’s not to say nobody has never broken them, of course…

1 Only Caleb makes the rules

2 No secrets, no lies

3 No violence

7 Don’t start eating until everyone is seated

9 Don’t go into someone else’s room

11 No yelling inside

14 No swearing

15 Fill the tank on the way home

19 Knock before entering and wait for permission to enter

23 Wear a seatbelt

25 The driver picks the route

62 Never leave home without your tools in your vehicle

79 High school graduation gift is a filing cabinet

82 Don’t date within the industry

96 No phones while driving

212 No tattoos

213 No food fights

Elbows off the table

Shower every morning

Pick up after yourself

No door slamming

No smoking inside

No food in bed

Never give Dad cash

Two condoms in the wallet

Nobody’s motorcycle is better than anyone else’s

Save family drama until after rehearsal or soundcheck

Separate colors & whites

No open flames except in case of power cut

Let the girl set the pace

Dirty dishes on left, clean dishes on right side of sink

Don’t ask, don’t tell about lyrics

No phones while camping

No phones in rehearsal

Raw meat only on the red plastic board

Fake IDs are not condoned

No messing around at soundcheck

Don’t eat our pets

Show up sober

No girlfriends at rehearsal

16-year-olds aren’t permitted at college parties

Don’t walk around the house in a towel

Wear leathers when riding your bike

Swimming lessons are compulsory

Keep a spreadsheet of songwriting credits

Respect women

Don’t accept poor treatment or disrespect

Chores may be swapped but not shirked

No girlfriends on tour

* * *

Now technically, the following rules violate Rule 1, but some of them seem important so I’ll include them:

37 Have a safe trip (Wynter)

64 This Day In History is only to be studied on the correct day (Jesse)

The band does not play dubstep or djent (Indio)

The Silverado is not an appropriate place for pot pourri (Wynter)

Don’t violate the Code (don’t date your sibling’s friends) (Jesse)

Don’t go into your brother’s bedroom when he has a girl in there (Jesse)

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